As I sat in my window last evening,
The letterman brought in to me
A little gilt-edged invitation sayin':
"Gilhooley, come over to tea."
I knew that the Fogarties sent it.
So I went, just for old friendship's sake.
The first think they gave me to tackle
Was a slice of Miss Fogarty's cake.
There were plums and prunes and cherries.
There were citrons and raisins and cinnamon, too
There was nutmeg, cloves and berries,
And a crust that was nailed on with glue.
There were caraway seeds in abundance,
Such that work up a fine stomach ache
That could kill a man twice after eating a slice
Of Miss Fogarty's Christmas cake.
Miss Mulligan wanted to try it.
But, really, it wasn't no use,
For we worked in it over an hour,
And we couldn't get none of it loose
Till Murphy came in with a hatchet
And Kelly came in with a saw.
That cake was enough, by the powers above,
For to paralyze any man's jaws.
Miss Fogarty, proud as a peacock,
Kept smiling and blinking away
Till she flipped over Flanagan's brogans.
And she spilt the home brew in her tea.
"Aye, Gilhooley," she says "you're not eatin'.
Try a little bit more, for me sake."
And "No, Miss Fogarty," says I,
"For I've had quite enough of your cake."
Maloney was took with the colic.
O'Donald, a pain in his head.
McNaughton lay down on the sofa,
And he swore that he wished he was dead.
Miss Bailey went into hysterics,
And there she did wriggle and shake.
And everyone swore they were poisoned
Just from eating Miss Fogarty's cake.